A Year for Music
Music died for me one day, and I have spent fourteen years mostly in silence. I decided to spend one year fighting to win music back.
Here’s what happened: my partner, Drew, died. I remember thinking all those years ago that I had died, too. Darkness fell over many of the things I loved—it fell over music. Where once music had surrounded me day in day out, where before I would go to sleep listening to music, where in those good days before Drew died music brought me joy: it became just annoying noise.
It occurred to me this year that I had never tried to get music back—I just let it go. I never fought for it.
I know it is worth fighting for.
I also know that I am not the only person to have experienced something like this. Many people have told me how, after a great loss, things changed for them, and all interest in things they had loved, like music, left them. I am willing to bet that, sometimes, if we fight for something we once loved and have lost, we might win it back.
So I begin a year for music. Having come to cherish silence, I will fill at least part of each day with sound. Some of it will be music I used to love: I will go back to those pieces and listen to them again. Some of the music will be new to me. I will turn on the radio to see what I find. I will dust off my piano, and play it again. I will go to live concerts, and travel to Salt Lake City to attend the symphony and to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I will talk to people about what music means to them (including those who might leave comments on this site), and I will think hard about what music once meant to me and what I hope it might come to mean again.
Tonight is the New Moon, a fitting time to begin a project. Each day from today the Moon grows bigger, brighter.
I expect to succeed. I expect to win music back to me.
I created "Trumpets of the Jubilee," the image above, on my computer in 2006; it is an homage to Mandelbrot fractals. The title is from Leviticus 25:9 (KJV): "Then shalt thou cause the trumpet of the jubilee to sound."